Essentialist Explanations

[pne]

Perhaps you've heard statements along the lines of "Danish is essentially Swedish as spoken with a potato in your mouth"?

Well, John Cowan has collected a list of such "essentialist explanations" which I'll link to for your reading pleasure :)

Comments

[marikochan.livejournal.com]

Fun! I like the Japanese ones...

Japanese is essentially tone-deaf ancient Chinese spoken backwards.
Japanese is essentially 16th-century Chinese, 17th-century Portuguese, 18th-century Dutch, 19th-century French and 20th-century English with an abhorrence of consonant clusters.
Japanese is essentially Classical Chinese with a second helping of vowels.

This is going to take a while to get through.

[fraught.livejournal.com]

Things that make you go "hmmm..."

Dutch is essentially German spoken by someone with a sore throat (or: by someone clearing his throat while speaking).
--Philip Newton

Dutch is essentially bad German

[pne.livejournal.com]

It's true, though! You try saying "grachtengoochelaar" and not getting a sore throat! :)

Feel free to make up your own!

[tungol.livejournal.com]

Yay! New edition!