Listening

[pne]

You know how they say that when women tell you about a problem, they're not looking for a solution but more for a sympathetic ear?

I think I prefer that, since I don't think I'm good at finding solutions to such problems, especially mental ones such as insecurity, guilt, or depression, but I think I can listen and, to some extent, commiserate.

Comments

[jane-a.livejournal.com]

you can indeed =)

[leora.livejournal.com]

And what they don't tell you - they're hoping to feel understood. It's one of the basic desires, to feel that others perceive you as who you feel you really are. If you make a person feel known, they will generally greatly appreciate it. If you combine that with acceptance and love, then you've probably got them totally hooked on you, since that combination is hard to find.

hmmm, I think I now understand how child abuse works to a much better extent than I used to... and I'm not sure I like knowing. But I think what happens is since the parent affects the child's self-image from such a young age, the child feels bad, worthless, dirty, etc. And the abusive parent makes the child feel understood, and that's hard to get with anyone else. So, there is a draw to stay even though it hurts and is doing more damage. And that can't be fixed without the slow process of fixing the self-image. This probably also works in many adult cases... hmmm... I need to think about this... I didn't intend to twist the info to the evil side, usually making people feel known is something I think of as a force for good, and it can be. Obviously any sort of human interaction can be used in good ways or bad ways.