In which Amy is sensitive

[pne]

I brought some chocolate home from work (which St. Nicholas had brought me there, though I hadn't been in the office before to pick it up), including some... I'm not sure what they're called, but they're miniature bars of chocolate (about 1x2 cm, or about 1/4"x1/2" for you non-metric types) wrapped in coloured metallic-style paper, with four of those bars stacked crosswise ( = || = || from bottom to top) and held together with slightly elastic string. They're somewhat traditional here around Christmas, and some people hang them on their Christmas trees for decoration.

At any rate, Amy asked whether she could have one, and I said she could have one—her choice of which of the four. She chose the one with gold wrapping paper and extracted it from the bundle, unwrapped it, and ate it.

A bit later, I looked over and she had unwrapped two more little bars and had apparently eaten them, and I told her off—gently, I thought. I said she was supposed to eat one, but she had eaten three.

Amy froze and apparently didn't know what to do. I asked her whether she knew she wasn't supposed to eat more than one and she nodded; I asked her to apologise ("Say, 'I'm sorry'!") but she burst into tears and wanted to go to Mummy.

I think she wants me to like her; at any rate, she nearly ignores being scolded by Stella but really suffers (or at least, pays more attention) if I do so.

It took her quite a while to calm down and want to do anything. I tried to speak to her and explain why what she had done displeased me but she closed her eyes; perhaps she wanted to disappear rather than undergo the confrontation.

Eventually (after Stella threatened her with going to bed without watching the Sandman), she consented to say, "I'm sorry".

After that, she seemed happier again, so I daresay it brought her some measure of closure.

Comments

[otana.livejournal.com]

It sounds like you handled that really well. I don't really like kids all that much, but I do love reading your updates about Amy, she sounds like such an adorable little kid.

[pne.livejournal.com]

She's a great first child -- one who's generally easy-going, obedient, and clever, so even new parents can handle her fairly well :)

[otana.livejournal.com]

And she's a cutie too! Seriously, I think you and Stella are doing a great job. I was sorry to hear about the adoption falling through, by the way. I wasn't really sure what to say at the time, I hope you guys can try again in a few years or something. :)

[pne.livejournal.com]

I was sorry to hear about the adoption falling through, by the way. I wasn't really sure what to say at the time

Thanks just the same.

I hope you guys can try again in a few years or something. :)

We'll see. Or perhaps Stella changes her mind about not wanting to give birth to another child.

[arthur-sc-king.livejournal.com]

Being the father of five girls, I can state this with unequivocal certainty:

Girls need Daddy's approval more than anything else in life.

Now, that doesn't mean you shouldn't discipline them. It just puts her reaction into perspective.

The trick is how you deal/dealt with that reaction. Now, with any luck, she knows that just 'cause Daddy disapproved of something doesn't mean the world's going to end. She learned that she can apologise to Daddy and everything will be OK. If you keep responding as a kind caring Daddy, making sure she knows that while you might disapprove of inappropriate behaviours, you always approve of (and love) her, then everything will be fine.

At least, that's been my experience. Not that I'm a perfect dad or anything; hell, my 21-year-old refuses any contact with me, which breaks my heart but which OTOH is my own stupid fault in many ways I won't get into here. But in a lot of ways it's "so far so good" with the four girls still at home.

HTH.

[lnbw.livejournal.com]

Sort of related to the previous commenter, I vaguely remember reading some sociological studies that had to do with parental discipline models, that concluded (I wish I could remember more details!) that kids tend to be more afraid of Dad because his censure is less frequent and therefore more serious -- that is, Mom's in charge on everyday things, and Dad steps in when it's something really big. (To clarify, I'm not saying that I think this is universally the case, or inherently the case, but it seems to be true across a wide subset of households. Also, I imagine it focused on American or at least Western European households, though I could be wrong.)