Or I could speak German to Amy

[pne]

Today, I had the day off and went with Stella to pick Amy up from kindergarten.

Virginia talked to use while we were waiting a bit in the kindergarten till it was time to go to catch our bus, and she asked whether I spoke only English with Amy, and I said I did. She said I could probably also speak German to her now, and that that wouldn't confuse her any more.

The second part is probably true, but I don't see why I should start speaking (also) German to her... it might possibly draw less attention to ourselves in the odd occasion in public[*], but I think that speaking English is an important part of the relationship we have. Not to mention that speaking German to her feels distinctly odd to me.

As we left, I asked Amy:

— Should I speak English or German to you? Or both
— (thinks for a second) Hm, both.
— Soll ich mit dir deutsch sprechen?
— (pauses, clearly taken aback) You spoke to me in German.
— Was that funny?
— Yes.
— It felt funny to me, too.

Which, I think, puts that question to rest: having me speak German to Amy feels strange not only to me but also to her. So I'll stay with English, thankyouverymuch.

---

[*] That reminds me of coming home from work on Wednesday. On the bus, a lady got on with a pram; she took out a child and sat down next to me.

When the child started fussing, she asked him in German what was up and what he wanted, but as he got fussier, she drew him closer and talked more softly, in what seemed to me to be Russian.

Later, she'd occasionally say something in German, more loudly, but she spoke mostly in Russian, softly.

It seemed to me that she wanted to be seen to be speaking only German in public, but that she wanted to have recourse to her main language in really intimate moments such as calming down a fussy infant.

It made me wonder why she didn't talk to him in Russian all the time? Was she ashamed of speaking Russian? Was she embarrassed to be speaking a foreign language in public? Did she think it inappropriate or impolite to speak a language most others couldn't hear?

And it made me glad again that Amy has lots of exposure to German (not least through Amy), so that I don't have to worry about my use of English making it harder for Amy to acquire German (which it might if both of us spoke only English to her).

Comments

[edricson.livejournal.com]

The lady's behaviour does seem strange. When we were last at the doctor's, there was a Russian mother who spoke Russian to her children, though the older child would only speak Norwegian to her (the younger one was too young to talk). But she seemed okay with that.

Yet I must say it feels deeply odd when Norwegian nurses and doctors start talking to our baby in Norwegian (or Swedish---an awful lot of them are Swedes, at least up here) baby-talk. Not that two-months-olds have an opinion on that, though.

[wingflutter.livejournal.com]

i think it's sweet that you and Amy have your own 'special' language :)

[zonikita.livejournal.com]

At first mum always spoke English and German with my brother and me. Sometimes both in one sentence. But now speaking German with her is just weird... We only speak German to each other when there are non English speakers around. My brother is the opposite, he usually speaks German with the both of us.

[pne.livejournal.com]

Yes!

I could only really put it in words after reading a book on bringing up children bilingually, about an Australian who spoke to his children in German, which he had studied at university (so I could even understand all the conversations he quoted, without needing the translation :D).

There, he said something along the lines of how German was a special part of the relationship he had with his children, and how that explained why his children preferred to speak German to him even though both father and children acknowledged that for all of them, English was the stronger language. And something went "click" and I realised that yes, the language was something special about the relationship I had with my father, too, for example, since he was the main person I spoke English to.

[pne.livejournal.com]

But now speaking German with her is just weird...

I can totally understand that... I try to avoid speaking German to my father if I can avoid it at all, even if there are German speakers around. I either talk to him in English and hope others understand (or sometimes I just don't care whether they understand or not), or I address someone else and include him implicitly. But explicitly addressing him in German is so weird that I avoid it if I possibly can.

My brother is the opposite, he usually speaks German with the both of us.

What do you speak back?

I spoke 95% German with my sisters, too, even though at least the two older ones spoke English with my father, too -- I suppose because it was easier, I don't know. (Occasionally, we'd speak English, and that didn't seem too odd unless we did it for a long time.)

Which is rather familiar given what I read in the book about bilingual children, where the children also spoke English to one another (in Australia) despite speaking German with their father. And there he also mentions that the two youngest ones occasionally spoke German together, but that if they did that for too long the youngest one would start protesting; for her, it seemed to be OK as an occasional thing but not something she would do on a regular basis.

[pne.livejournal.com]

You could speak Maltese to your (future) children!

Though IIRC, that's not your first language, right?

(Does Bek speak Maltese at all? Or understand it?)

[zonikita.livejournal.com]

I almost always speak German with my brother. English feels to weird, I don't know why...

And Mum answers in what ever language was spoken to her. If I'm in on the conversation too, it'll be English, if it's just them German.

[wingflutter.livejournal.com]

it's a bit complicated because our native languages are officially English and Maltese. It's then split according to what school you went to, and often which your parents went to also. (Gov't schools teach in Maltese, Church & Private schools teach in English).

I am fluent in both languages, but English comes a tad more naturally, so once we have kids, it'll be English we'll speak to them in, but we intend to use a good amount of Maltese too. We'd like for them to be able to feel like Malta is a second home to them when they visit.

Bekah can say a few words and phrases (with a hilariously heavy English accent!!!), but then her mother was never one to even LIKE Maltese as a language - she often expressed a wish to be English so that she wouldn't have to even try speaking Maltese. I'm surprised that she's taught her the little she has to be perfectly honest!!!

Sorry about the length of this comment. Language in Malta is always a complicated topic!

[pne.livejournal.com]

it's a bit complicated because our native languages are officially English and Maltese.

Wait, you have an official definition of "native language" in Malta?

I thought everyone just picked what they thought their best language is, with totally subjective criteria - nothing official about it!

Is it a political thing, that makes it important to know what someone's native language is in Malta? ("On" Malta?)

Sorry about the length of this comment.

Oh, no worries. That wasn't long.

Language in Malta is always a complicated topic!

I'm beginning to believe it!

I am fluent in both languages, but English comes a tad more naturally

What's it like for David? About the same?

(with a hilariously heavy English accent!!!)

Heh I wonder what that sounds like! "Yean ye sim knee Bekah. Keaf inty? Tree'd tea coal she harger?"

[wingflutter.livejournal.com]

"Yean ye sim knee Bekah. Keaf inty? Tree'd tea coal she harger?"
lmao - i doubt if she even knows that much, but yeah... that's exactly how it sounds! ;)

Re official languages, hehe... yeah. these links will help:
http://www.ethnologue.com/show_country.asp?name=Malta
http://www.bbc.co.uk/languages/european_languages/countries/malta.shtml

the way a person 'ends up' speaking Maltese or English, if you will, is - like i said - down to families and schools. Two examples:

My parents both went to church schools. Both their mothers were teachers at said church schools. Myself and my siblings went to church schools. Therefore, the main language spoken was English. My mother, however was brought up perfectly bilingual because her father was the editor of a Maltese newspaper. She did try speaking to us in Maltese early on, but possibly started a bit too late and I remember feeling silly speaking to her in Maltese (much like Amy felt silly speaking to you in German!). Funnily enough, I feel more comfortable speaking to her in Maltese now that I've moved away, but that could be an attempt to retain an identity!

David, on the other hand, is similar to my mother. He is perfectly fluent in both and will very rarely get stuck in either language. (I sometimes blank out on random Maltese words, which will come to me eventually). His father is originally Gozitan (from Gozo - an almost incomprehensible dialect of Maltese to those who aren't Gozitan!!) and his mother is from a Maltese-speaking family. However David went to church schools in Malta, then studied overseas at a young age and was therefore brought up speaking both, equally. His father to this day is not extremely fluent in English - he is a headmaster at a Government school in Malta (thus work and teaching is carried out in Maltese).

Is this starting to make a little bit of sense? It goes on forever. Because after all that, there's also a social division of language to a further extent (in brief, the English-speakers consider themselves to be of higher 'rank' than Maltese-speaking individuals. This roots from when we were a British Colony and professional people spoke English whilst blue-collar workers spoke Maltese. Prior to that, Italian was the language of the professionals. It doesn't really translate that way any longer, but being a small country, it's a very difficult mentality to get rid of.)

Like I said, I could go on forever :)


re in / on Malta... I suppose both are correct, being an island. But since we're also a country, 'in' works just as well. Personally, 'on' sounds strange!

[hanskramladen.blogspot.com (from livejournal.com)]

I've mostly stuck to the classical advice for raising children bilingually, that each parent should speak consistently in one language with the child, so I'm speaking German with our daughter, while my wife speaks Russian. On the other hand, I normally speak Russian with my wife, so my daughter is used to hear me speak Russian, and when we're all speaking with each other, the languages get mixed. How does Amy react when you speak German with other people?
On the Russian mother speaking German in public - I've noticed that often with Aussiedler parents; they frequently don't want to be identified as non-Germans in public and they also often don't want their children to learn Russian. For them, it's an effort, so I imagine that they (from their point of view) "lapse" into Russian when the situation becomes more emotional.

[pne.livejournal.com]

How does Amy react when you speak German with other people?

I'm not sure what to answer to this.

However, I speak German to just about everybody (including Stella), so she certainly hears me speaking German - pretty much every day. Just not to her.

So I expect she feels it's the way things are supposed to be: I speak to others in German and to her in English; and she speaks to others in German and to me in English.

(At first, I had the feeling that the associated English with me so strongly that she got very suspicious/dismissive(?) when someone else tried to speak English with her. Though she seems to have accepted Virginia, a teacher in kindergarten, as a bona fide English speaker, from whom she accepts being spoken to in English and to whom she'll speak English in return.)

[node-ue.livejournal.com]

Since the environment outside of the home (with the exception of her kindergarten teacher) seems to be uniformly German-speaking, I'd be more curious to know the inverse - has she heard Stella speak English, and if so, what was her reaction?

[pne.livejournal.com]

has she heard Stella speak English, and if so, what was her reaction?

Yes; occasionally Stella will say something to her in English.

As best I can tell, Amy considers this amusing but accepts it as long as it's occasional.

[jpallan.livejournal.com]

Some families I know that do as you do use the vulgar tongue when they are with their children in front of their friends, as a way of inclusion. At Amy's age, I don't really see the need, though.

However, you can also probably quietly rebuke her for bad behaviour in front of her friends and not embarrass her as much, which is a benefit.