Or I could speak German to Amy

[pne]

Today, I had the day off and went with Stella to pick Amy up from kindergarten.

Virginia talked to use while we were waiting a bit in the kindergarten till it was time to go to catch our bus, and she asked whether I spoke only English with Amy, and I said I did. She said I could probably also speak German to her now, and that that wouldn't confuse her any more.

The second part is probably true, but I don't see why I should start speaking (also) German to her... it might possibly draw less attention to ourselves in the odd occasion in public[*], but I think that speaking English is an important part of the relationship we have. Not to mention that speaking German to her feels distinctly odd to me.

As we left, I asked Amy:

— Should I speak English or German to you? Or both
— (thinks for a second) Hm, both.
— Soll ich mit dir deutsch sprechen?
— (pauses, clearly taken aback) You spoke to me in German.
— Was that funny?
— Yes.
— It felt funny to me, too.

Which, I think, puts that question to rest: having me speak German to Amy feels strange not only to me but also to her. So I'll stay with English, thankyouverymuch.

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[*] That reminds me of coming home from work on Wednesday. On the bus, a lady got on with a pram; she took out a child and sat down next to me.

When the child started fussing, she asked him in German what was up and what he wanted, but as he got fussier, she drew him closer and talked more softly, in what seemed to me to be Russian.

Later, she'd occasionally say something in German, more loudly, but she spoke mostly in Russian, softly.

It seemed to me that she wanted to be seen to be speaking only German in public, but that she wanted to have recourse to her main language in really intimate moments such as calming down a fussy infant.

It made me wonder why she didn't talk to him in Russian all the time? Was she ashamed of speaking Russian? Was she embarrassed to be speaking a foreign language in public? Did she think it inappropriate or impolite to speak a language most others couldn't hear?

And it made me glad again that Amy has lots of exposure to German (not least through Amy), so that I don't have to worry about my use of English making it harder for Amy to acquire German (which it might if both of us spoke only English to her).

Comments

[hanskramladen.blogspot.com (from livejournal.com)]

I've mostly stuck to the classical advice for raising children bilingually, that each parent should speak consistently in one language with the child, so I'm speaking German with our daughter, while my wife speaks Russian. On the other hand, I normally speak Russian with my wife, so my daughter is used to hear me speak Russian, and when we're all speaking with each other, the languages get mixed. How does Amy react when you speak German with other people?
On the Russian mother speaking German in public - I've noticed that often with Aussiedler parents; they frequently don't want to be identified as non-Germans in public and they also often don't want their children to learn Russian. For them, it's an effort, so I imagine that they (from their point of view) "lapse" into Russian when the situation becomes more emotional.

[pne.livejournal.com]

How does Amy react when you speak German with other people?

I'm not sure what to answer to this.

However, I speak German to just about everybody (including Stella), so she certainly hears me speaking German - pretty much every day. Just not to her.

So I expect she feels it's the way things are supposed to be: I speak to others in German and to her in English; and she speaks to others in German and to me in English.

(At first, I had the feeling that the associated English with me so strongly that she got very suspicious/dismissive(?) when someone else tried to speak English with her. Though she seems to have accepted Virginia, a teacher in kindergarten, as a bona fide English speaker, from whom she accepts being spoken to in English and to whom she'll speak English in return.)

[node-ue.livejournal.com]

Since the environment outside of the home (with the exception of her kindergarten teacher) seems to be uniformly German-speaking, I'd be more curious to know the inverse - has she heard Stella speak English, and if so, what was her reaction?

[pne.livejournal.com]

has she heard Stella speak English, and if so, what was her reaction?

Yes; occasionally Stella will say something to her in English.

As best I can tell, Amy considers this amusing but accepts it as long as it's occasional.