Allowances: conditional or unconditional?

[pne]

Thanks for all the responses on my post about pocket money! (And if you would still like to respond, by all means do.)

Several of you mentioned that you had to work for your allowances, i.e. whether or not you got any, or the amount of it, depended on chores you did or similar things.

How did that work out for you? How would you do it with your children, or how would you have wished things had been when you were a child?

I can see both sides: I've heard that allowances should be a fixed thing that children can rely on and budget with, and not dependent on good behaviour or chores; on the other hand, working for money also has its rewards, as does being able to supplement a base value with additional money from chores.

As for us, our pocket money was unconditional, as best I recall. We were expected to do chores, of course, but our pocket money wasn't tied to them.

Comments

[damnitnicole]

You could give her a very small amount as an unconditional, and bonus for chores or exceptional behavior or grades.

[muckefuck.livejournal.com]

That's essentially the system we had. We received a certain amount of money unconditionally (less than $1/wk., even adjusting for inflation) and, on top of this, my parents tried various incentive programmes to get us to perform chores. One involved checking off daily lists; for every day that all chores were completed, we got a star, and after so many dozen stars, we were taken to the store and allowed to buy a toy or an article of clothing. I think they eventually decided this involved too much record-keeping, because I also remember them simply buying certain things we wanted and then holding them in reserve as rewards for completing particular tasks.

[leora.livejournal.com]

My childhood was weird and not an example, but I did not have chores. School was considered my job. I was expected to put my time, effort, and energy into my schooling and my homework, and I specifically did not have other tasks as they would have detracted from that. And school did take up a lot of time. In Elementary School it started as 5 days a week of school, about an hour of homework, and one day a week of Hebrew School. By age 12 it was 5 days a week of school, 3 days of Hebrew School, 2 days of working with the cantor to prepare for my Bat Mitzvah (this was only for the year of age 12 since that was my Bat Mitzvah year, but the year before was still 3 days a week of Hebrew School) about 2 hours a night of homework, and I babysat on weekends and was expected to be in temple for Sabbath a certain percentage of the time.

The next year wasn't as bad, because I finished my Bat Mitzvah, although I went to Hebrew High for a year (I dropped out after that because I hated my fellow students. I was the only person there by choice, and I was sick and tired of them asking me why I was there if my parents weren't forcing me and being around miserable kids). But in High School I was working as a babysitter about 3 days a week, school 5 days a week, about 4 hours a night of homework, and I was participating in school activities.

I really didn't have time for chores. It was actually really bad for me in High School when my mother decided I was old enough to make my own breakfast and she wasn't going to wake up to do it. She was right that I was able, but waking up to do it just wasn't going to happen, so I started eating a lot less. Which was even worse for the semester I had no lunch break in school.

Anyhow, enough on that. How would I do it? I'm not sure. I'm really tempted to say that chores shouldn't be viewed as horrible things you do because you have to or are paid to. I think I want them viewed as your contribution to the family. That we're all working together to make our home run, and each person contributes what they can. I think I want to motivate a child to do chores, because they want to help keep the family happy and healthy. So, I think I wouldn't tie it to chores. I think chores are their own reward, as weird as that is. I mean, it's true as an adult. I want clean dishes, that is why I do the dishes. I want clean clothes, so I do the laundry. I think I'd want to focus on how someone has to do each of these things, and we divide it up so everyone does a bit, and what we do depends in part on what we're able to do.

And I'd want to point out that chores aren't just for kids. And that learning how to do them is really important, because eventually you'll have your own home and you'll want to be able to have clean dishes and make food and wear clean clothes and not drown in your own trash, and so forth.

[leora.livejournal.com]

Oh, and just to clarify, when I say I was going to school 5 days a week, I mean I was supposed to. That never actually happened. I was going to school 3 to 4 days a week and spending at least 1 day a week sick from migraines and sleep deprivation. I also might have been doing more than 4 hours a night of homework, it's really hard to say, and it varied so some nights were tons of homework and some nights I might only have about 2 hours of work.

[nyssa.livejournal.com]

The way I think I'd do it if I ever had kids would be a base amount, several chores I expected them to do regardless, and then the option to do bigger chores for money. This would teach them both the value of keeping your house clean (because nobody pays you for cleaning your own home later, why should it be any different when you're a kid?), but also the value of working for pay. The paid chores would probably be things like dusting, garden work, fixing a wobbly door, stuff like that. Stuff that you can theoretically never do as an adult even if you're not a slob. The mandatory chores are things you HAVE to do to not be a slob (IE laundry, dishes, general cleaning).

[leora.livejournal.com]

Yes, I would consider paying a child to do extra chores. But I'd want to make them chores I'm okay with the child not doing. That way the kid can say, I don't want the money as much as I don't want to do the chore. And if that's my set-up, I don't have any good rebuttal if I want them doing the chore regardless of their allowance.

[nyssa.livejournal.com]

Exactly. The point of childhood is to learn how to be a successful adult, and if you don't teach the kid a: that there are things you need to do regardless of financial incentive, but also b: that there are things you can either choose to do or not do based on personal desire AND financial gain (or loss, as in paying somebody to fix your door instead of doing it yourself). I also think that a base allowance is important (instead of ONLY paying for chores), because ultimately even if your kid is a slob (some people just are), everyone needs to know how to budget money.

[psitticism.livejournal.com]

I definitely had certain chores that I had to do no matter what. Clean my room, clean the bathroom once a week, pick up all toys when I was finished playing, etc. These were not negotiable, and I didn't get any money for doing them! My allowance was earned by doing extra tasks. Vacuuming, mopping the kitchen, that sort of thing. Even cooking dinner, sometimes. I was often quite lazy about it, and my parents were strict. I got no money if I didn't work for it!

While I understand the idea of unconditional allowance to teach a child to budget money, I think I have to go with my parents' approach: I want my children to understand that they have to work to earn the things they want in all areas of life. It was a hard lesson for me to learn. I remember wanting money to buy toys, but not having any, because I hadn't done my chores. I remember wanting to play the oboe well, but practicing lazily at best [I still can't play the damn thing, and it's my own fault!]. My parents eventually took the oboe away (after warning me several times that they would, if I didn't use it, since it was a rental), and I'm sure I screamed and cried, but it was my own doing! I like that my parents held me accountable for my own actions or lack thereof. They were much stricter than any of my friends' parents growing up, but I appreciate it. I know that I have earned every single little thing I have today by myself, and I'm proud of every accomplishment.

[choptliver.livejournal.com]

Kit (7.5) gets a pound a week, and he is expected to do certain housey things because he is a member of the family, and we all have to pitch in to look after all of us. Sometimes he's given the opportunity to do a chore which is non-routine, above and beyond. And for that he'll get another 50p or a pound.

I told him he could have a pound for washing my car, but so far he hasn't been motivated.

[bluewingedcat.livejournal.com]

Honestly, I think that, if you're going to give an allowance/pocket money, you should do it halfsies. Have an amount in mind that you want to give her weekly, then just give her half of that. Inform her that there are certain chores she can do (like, say, helping mommy with dishes) to earn the other half. I'd actually make a list and let her pick and choose, that way she gets a little more say in the matter.

I think the work helps cement the idea that money is something to be worked for and earned, not just provided... but also that people will help you if you need it.

[bluewingedcat.livejournal.com]

Oh, and it goes without saying that there are some chores she needs to do every week regardless of incentive... like cleaning her room.

[node-ue.livejournal.com]

One problem with tying pocket money to chores is that children may get the idea that they can decide not to do chores if they don't feel like earning the money that particular week. Unlikely to happen at that age, but when she gets older it is a possibility.

That's what happened in my family growing up. When we were younger, we did all of our chores very diligently, but as we started to get older we decided that we'd rather forego the work *and* the pay, much to the frustration of our parents.

In my opinion, children should help their families just because, not because they're getting paid to do it.

[eva]

In my opinion, children should help their families just because, not because they're getting paid to do it.

I agree, and I think my parents did so, too - other children I knew were paid for doing things, but my parents didn't want to do that. Apart from the interesting consequences you mention, such a system might mean that children do only those things they are being paid for and will not help with stuff that isn't part of their usual paid-for duties ("You want me to help pick up the apples? Pay me first!").

[quinctia]

I don't think tying it to chores is a bad thing. I remember getting pretty frustrated as a kid, though, because my parents, while not huge slobs, have never been very diligent about cleaning on a regular basis. If things get really dusty, they break out the dusters, if something gets spilled, they sweep, that sort of thing. And, since I said, I was a bit older when they started paying me to do chores, I was wondering why suddenly I had to dust and vacuum weekly when they never used to.

Of course, Amy's young enough to where she probably can't do all of that now, even with help, anyway. So I wouldn't make any supposedly "mandatory" chore something that you don't already do on a regular basis. Though I think giving her a small base amount and letting her take over certain chores for more money as she gets older might be a good way to adjust her allowance and let her take over more responsibility as she gets older.

[ifeedformula.livejournal.com]

Our pocket money (which wasn't much, till we got jobs and even then..urgh)was conditional. If we didn't do our chores or mouthed off, we didn't get squat.
I recieved $1/wk from 5th grade through 8th grade. In HS, because I was now 'grown up' *L* I recieved...a whopping $2/wk. *headdesk* My parents were CHEAP.

When I finally got a weekend job when I was 17 or thereabouts, I wasn't allowed to use my paycheck money unless I told my parents about it first. AND my mom had to be cosigner on my account because I was underage. I found out a few years later that she was stealing money from my account and calling it 'random account fees'. *headdesk*

As of now, James doesn't get an allowance and I don't see the need for him to get one. Every stray penny we find goes into his bank which is pretty full ATM. When he gets old enough to want an allowance, then we'll see how it goes. It'll probably be conditional, but IDK yet.

[leighbug]

I only had an allowance (and it was called an allowance by my family) for a short while, because we started having a lot of money issues and there just wasn't enough to be able to give us money.

However, we had chores that no matter what, we were supposed to do. And my mom would nag until they got done. Although, I think initially, our allowance was tied to the chores. But we were pretty much required to do the chores, so we got the money. When we were older, mowing the lawn was up for grabs as a paid chore. $10 for mowing. Not a bad gig.

I think for Zoe, we're going to do it separately. She'll have chores she'll have to do, whether or not she likes it. And then she'll have an allowance each week which she can buy treats, toys, etc. with. I know for us, when we had it, we were required to save 15%. We're probably going to do something similar with Zoe, although I'm not sure how much of an impact it will make when she knows about the savings account Grandma set her up with, and what she already has.

Money and kids are tricky things to put together. They're like oil and water...don't necessarily mix until they're forced together somehow!

(And I'm sorry for this being quite rambly and non-coherent...not quite sure how to make it flow better.)

[anicca-anicca.livejournal.com]

Pocket money was unconditional.

My parents didn't favour the idea of giving money for things that were considered duty, like chores. There was no financial reward or punishment for good or bad grades either, except at half-term or term (Zeugnisse).

To me, that makes sense. (And all my needs and most of my wishes were taken care of anyway.)

It was definitely easier that way, too. My grades were almost always good, they would have had to pay me loads and how would they have reinforced the chores schedule? I was awfully stubborn, I probably would have told them to stuff the money and bought myself out of my duties.

Actually, I must have discussed this at some point, and I remember them saying that no one's paying *them* for every little thing they do around the house etc, so I must have questioned it at some point.
No, but really, I can undertand their reasoning. There's stuff you have to do, and there's just not a reward for everything. You have to learn to do things just because they have to be done.

[musicus.livejournal.com]

I vaguely remember, that we had to do our chores without being payed for, but that we could get some extra money for special chores (sometimes).

[lexabear.livejournal.com]

Mine was unconditional. We all had chores we were expected to do regardless. Allowance was withheld as a punishment for bad behavior, of course. Some of my friends got big payouts for good grades on report cards, and I really wanted that too but my mom was of the opinion that I should just be getting good grades anyway.

[sparkofcreation.livejournal.com]

Mine was conditional on having done a certain list of 6 chores; but I like the system my co-worker has for his (4) kids: they get their allowance no matter what; but if they don't do something, they have to pay their parents for having done it instead. They can also earn more money by volunteering to do chores that would normally be their parents' responsibility (and start a bidding war: "I'll rake the backyard for $3!" "*I'll* rake the backyard for $2!!").

They also have to pay for anything they break and anything that they don't actually need, but they get paid monthly interest on money they've saved.