Divorce

[pne]

I was just looking through my spamtrap mailbox and a subject "whyandhowtostopadivorcethat'sunwantedyesyouca…" got me thinking.

I wonder what would happen if my wife filed for divorce. I'm sure I'd be pretty shocked, especially if it came out of the blue, without prior warning… though what she considers as warning signals and what li'l insensitive ol' me considers warning signals may be different.

However, I'd imagine that I'd be fairly coöperative; if she's bent on getting away from me, there's probably not much point in fighting over it legally.

It's still a strange thought, and I hope I never have to find out how I would react.

Comments

[bride.livejournal.com]

I'm flaming agnostic =) so it's not for religious reasons.

To me, marriage is a partnership that includes love, but goes beyond it. There's also the matter of integrity - my marriage vows did not come with a "only as long as we want to" clause.

Did that make any sense? =}

[elgrande.livejournal.com]

Well, it does sound reasonable and if you want to follow these principles, it's your choice. You've already said it only applies to yourself and your husband.

In general, however, I'd consider your principles very strict and in extreme cases helpful to nobody at all.

"so unless there is severe abuse involved, forever really means FOREVER."

I imagine cases where both the husband and the wife are really annoyed with each other. Perhaps they're happy whenever they don't have to see each other. Both want a different partner (or perhaps even already have) and basically nothing speaks against it... except for the marriage contract, which would really be useless in my eyes.

I see your point, though. Anyway one question: would you also apply your principles if both partners agreed it's for the best if they get divorced?

"And if there are children, the children always come first."

I don't know if it's always good for children if their parents don't get divorced just because of them. (Like it might not be very helpful if they see mum and dad arguing or trying to ignore each other all the time.) My parents didn't get divorced so I can't judge it.

[bride.livejournal.com]

Anyway one question: would you also apply your principles if both partners agreed it's for the best if they get divorced?

I'm willing to play that one by ear and cross that bridge if we get there. =) It's never happened to me, so I don't know the issues. I've never even dated more than one man in my life, so I absolutely claim no expertise whatsoever. But all I'm saying is that it would take A LOT for me to agree to separate, especially now that we're legally married. Not before a lot of research, trying to do things differently, new/different communication techniques, marriage counselling, etc.

I don't know if it's always good for children if their parents don't get divorced just because of them.

I do. But, as I say and [can't] emphasize [enough], it only applies to me =)

• The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce : The 25 Year Landmark Study (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0786886161/qid=1096322405/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/104-4200176-8666318?v=glance&s=books)
  
• The Two-Income Trap: Why Middle-Class Parents are Going Broke (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0465090907/qid=1097017384/sr=8-2/ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i2_xgl14/103-2579591-6714230) (this book touches on the financial repercussion of divorce, but is not about divorce itself)

And there are other publications too, but those two stick out in my mind right now (caveat: those sources are very US-centric). But what I meant by "children always come first" in the context of that paragraph was "in the event of a divorce, do what's best for the children" in terms of custody, child support payments, visitation, etc.