Random thought on adoption

[pne]

The thought just crossed my mind -- I wonder whether a vague analogy to how it "should" be is to consider children born with a Caesarian section and those who are born "naturally".

It's a fact that some are born one way and some the other, and most mothers would probably be able to tell you how a given child was born if you asked them, but they nearly never bring it up in conversation unprompted (e.g. introducing someone as "and this is my delivered-by-C-section son") nor treat the children differently -- nor do most other people. (Though I wouldn't be surprised to learn that some people might look down on children who weren't born "properly", or consider the mother or the child to be a second-class person due to the circumstances of their birth.)

And that it could be similar with adoption: whether a child is adopted or not is a verifiable fact, but for most intents and purposes should have no bearing on anything. (I still don't know what people-in-general here think, though -- whether they are open-minded and do think this way or could be brought to easily, or whether my paranoia is at least partly justified.)

Comments

[leora.livejournal.com]

That's pretty much how I view it. It's obviously relevant to the child's doctor as it affects the medical history, but it's not something I'd bring up unless it came up. I think if it comes up, it should be mentioned, because there's nothing wrong with it. And because when you try to hide something then it does seem like it's somehow bad. But it's one of many possible details I wouldn't expect to just find out.

One of the children of a family friend of my parents whom I have known all my life, and the child in question that I have known all my life (who is now an adult, of course) has some very serious disabilities, but they're not visible ones. I didn't know this for ages. When I found out and asked why I'd never been told sooner, I was told, oh you didn't know? Well, nobody was keeping it secret, so we just assumed you knew.

As much as it was kind of annoying to not be told, I do think the approach was the right one. Had it come up, I'm sure I would have been told or had it explained. But it really wasn't any of my business anyway.